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wow, not having things go your way sure makes it hard not to smoke cigarettes. I decided to stop smoking. I have to. I have already thrown away so much of my life because of cigarettes. Then my jamming dude doesn't call back, which I had really really been looking forward to. Then Kat gets all pissy with me and won't talk to me at all. Crimeney. I want a cigarette.
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I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television. I am so depressed. I hate my life right now. Really. I am tired of being passed up for a television. Fuck television. I hate it. I want to destroy my television.
I hate television I hate television I hate television I hate television I hate television I hate television I hate television I hate television I hate television I hate television I hate television I hate television
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| despise - Thursday, March 23, 2006 1:12 pm
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You, you've undermined
the very essence of my being
The hate for your life, leaving me blind,
my abhorrence is all that I'm seeing
I must confess, that I obsess,
on ways tear you down
the bullet will rip through your brain so fast
that you'll never hear the sound
don't beg for your life
come stand on your feet and be
grateful for the deliverance
that you're about to meet
I'll be redeemed,
and you'll be dead
a cavity blown right
through your head
Soon you will be mine
your only liberator, intervention divine
-fuck this disrespect, my honor shall
-no longer be compromised
-the infringement of my personal space
-can only be undone through your demise
-I dream of a world, where I can see
-past what you have done to me
-I put the gun, between your eyes
-erase the thing that I despise
imagine a place, a place so serene
where tormenting nightmares will never be seen
a place that I know, I know cause I've been
It's not just a dream, it's not just a dream
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The bleak and abysmal place, how it makes my soul retch in sorrow. I my hatred for this place is growing, festering like the many scars on my being. The sadness of this place weighs heavily on my heart. My nightmares live in the walls of my cubicle and torture me with their traumatising memories. Tormentors leave me be. Haven't I suffered enough for you? My pores cry out for sunlight, unsatiated by the nasty throbbing fluorescent pulse that bathes me for the majority of my concious time on this planet. I feel an impending sense of catastrophe. It's there, omniscient, looming over everyone. My attempts to thwart have only made it's prescence more forebearing. The environment around us is getting more poisonous everyday. Poison in the air for you to breathe, poison in the food for you to eat, poison in the water you drink, and, most disturbingly so, poison in the media to brainwash you. The eggs at the NCC cafeteria taste like suffering, not because of the animals from which they were born, but from the stench of so many mindless drones and their meaningless existences coming there to shed their minds' tears... day in and day out, for an eternity
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The president of our country is a criminal, and the senate not only doesn't care, they are trying to make laws to hide his ciminal activity. What in the fuck is this country coming to. I cannot even believe my eyes these days when I read the news in the morning. Who are the lawmakers making laws for? I remember my dad once saying that I would look back on the days that I have now at SSA as the "glory days" or something and that everything after this would be downhill. If this is as good as it gets, please come to my house and shoot me in the face with a shotgun now. I can now honestly say, I am ashamed of being American. We take so much for granted and screw the world over repeatedly. Then we go and ask why people from foreign nations want to bomb us and start holy wars? And what can you do?
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| troubled - Thursday, March 9, 2006 2:26 pm
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I have been worried about a lot lately. I have been worried about my health. My physical health because I smoke and drink too much. My job sucks because I am bored and isolated. I'm sure being saturated in flourescent light all day doesn't help. I am worried about my mental health. I have been under so much stress and worry that it's making me crazy. Planning a wedding sucks. Then there's the whole international issues. The fact that the president who is trying to "fight terror" is all about letting an organization that has known links with terrorist operations take control of 7 major ports in the US??? Also, he illegally wiretaps and spys on America's own citizens with no warrants or anything. Congress says "what? we didn't see anything" .... A war is going on in a foriegn country, and for what? Cheap oil? no. . . Because we have made the daily lives of Iraqi citizens that much better? Please. If you voted for bush you can suck my ass. Oh and then there is the whole bird flu that will kill lots of people that can break out at almost anytime and without warning. *sigh* nothing to really worry about.. I guess
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